[This is a draft I didn't publish at the time it was originally written, in the first part of 2018. I thought it might be interesting to document my experiences as an interior plant technician, and then decided you didn't need to hear about over-watered dracaenas and mealybug. You're welcome.]
Plant Girl is covering a new office today, because the plant girl previously assigned there got tired of being stalked by a partner of the firm whose apparent aspiration is to be the Justin Bateman character from Juno.
Plant Girl has promised her supervisor that she will not get into it with Stalker Man, but in her fantasies:
[STALKER MAN becomes highly agitated at the realization that his stalkee is gone for good. PLANT GIRL closes door to his office and faces him with a cool, level stare.]
PG: You're an attorney, aren't you?
SM: Yes...
PG [leaning on desk, crime-drama style]: So you'll understand when I say: Cease. And. Desist.
SM [leaning back, a cornered rat]: I- I don't know what your'e talking about! I was just sharing some music I thought she might be interested in! I was just being friendly! I-
PG [silences him with a long stare]: I think we both know that's not true. So. Those pothos aren't going to water themselves. I'll be going.
[EXIT PLANT GIRL, victorious, watering can in hand, leaving STALKER MAN speechless and terrified]
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